D.A.R.E. Gets Owned by Marijuana Satirical Article

by Virgil Vaduva

The anti-drug D.A.R.E. organization is known for its bright red logo that shows up in schools, logo which cops love to display on their vehicles, but they may not necessarily be known for being suckers when it comes to satirical writing on the topic of the war on drugs.

Website dare.org re-published a seemingly innocuous anti-marijuana article, which to any common-sense reader is an obvious satirical attempt at mocking the war on drug.  The article titled “Edible Marijuana Candies Kill 9 in Colorado, 12 at Coachella” goes into great detail explaining that “marijuana candies, sold on the street as ‘Uncle Tweety’s Chewy Flipper’ and ‘Gummy Satans’ are taking the country by storm” and are responsible for a large number of deaths throughout Colorado and California:

Each candy is an emulsification of sweetened Jello, vodka and minced marijuana.  Huffington Post reports that within a week, 9 college students have died from these marijuana candies.

While the writing of the article reads as a page from Reefer Madness, a simple effort double checking the validity of the piece leads to author Haywood Bynum III, whose tag line is “leading the charge of faith at Bible Fellowship Church.”

The person behind the alias writes for the website topekasnews.com, which appears to be a satirical site tagged “American Values for an Unsaved World.”  The website features articles about a three day old McDonalds meal sprouting legs to fight to the death, and police warning families about the dangers of using stick family decals on the back windows of their vehicles.

The anti-marijuana article reposted by D.A.R.E. contains a hilarious number of comedic lines:

It is sad that in a country as developed as America, such third world drugs such as marijuana are allowed to exist.

and

Marijuana.  It is one of the most dangerous drugs on Earth.  We are only seeing the tip of the iceberg here, my friends.

and this gem

For every one joint of marijuana, four teenagers become burdened with pregnancy.  And for every bag of marijuana candy sold, it seems 16 violent crimes in the 16 to 45-year-old cohort break down.

The piece shared by D.A.R.E. wraps up with the ridiculous statement that “Young men and men who eat these candies are being found to have lower testosterone levels and fits of primal aggression.”

This article has been on the D.A.R.E. website for over a month and it appears that its satirical content is not enough to motivate D.A.R.E. to label it as such or remove it from their website. Instead they continue to present it as fact in order to promote a war on drugs agenda which has come at the cost of many lives, while prompting an ever-increasing militarization of American police forces.

We took a screenshot of the article below in order to avoid any “confusion” when D.A.R.E. will take issue with our reporting.

DARE Article

Screenshot of satirical article shared by D.A.R.E. as factually accurate


Virgil Vaduva is a Libertarian security professional, journalist, photographer and overall liberty freak.  He spent most of his life in Communist Romania and participated in the 1989 street protests which led to the collapse of the Ceausescu regime. He can be reached at vvaduva at truthvoice.com.