Robots, algorithms and machines sometimes seem designed to destroy us. They take our jobs, manipulate our Facebook News Feeds and rain death on foreign nations from across the world. But some robots can be heroes, saving us from the dreary agents of capitalism.

The Jolly Roger is such a bot, designed to lead telemarketers down a rhetorical maze to keep them busy until they’re at their wits’ end while you go on about your day.

Next time someone calls you for sales purposes, simply tap “add call.” Dial 214-666-4321. Merge the calls. Then the Jolly Roger Telephone Co., a voice recording that will frustrate and confuse that telemarketer, will take over.

The future of the internet: robots trying to coerce and sell things to the robots we’ve hired to defend us.

The robotic script is designed to trick someone into trying to engage it for as long as possible. Along with affirmatives like “yes” and a curious “OK,” it mixes in questions like “Sorry, could you start over? Who’s this? Why are you calling?” It also goes off on entire tangents and distractions, leading annoyed salespeople to try and find lucidity and understanding in a totally lifeless recording.

The robot was created by Roger Anderson, who now has a YouTube channel where he documents various telemarketers encountering his robot. Some of the telemarketers figure out eventually that they’re dealing with a bot. It’s highly entertaining in its schadenfreude.

When listening to the videos, you may reach a moment when you begin to feel bad for the telemarketers. Don’t fall into this trap, Anderson reminds you in some of the videos: Many of these callers are going around Do Not Call lists or are using machines to ping thousands of people at a time. As well-intentioned as they may seem, they’re ultimately using shady sales tactics.

Then again, some telemarketers are just robots themselves, impervious to pranks or other forms of manipulation or deception. In this case, you can still forward the call to Jolly Roger and watch the future of the internet: robots trying to coerce and sell things to the robots we’ve hired to defend us.

by Jack Smith IV

From http://www.vibe.com/

Earlier this spring, three cop blockers from Dayton, Ohio decided to take the trip up I-75 to warn drivers of an OVI checkpoint in Allen County, which was conducted by the Ohio State Highway Patrol. I was one of them and got to partake in some novel treatment by the police.

After finding an area to hold signs, only a half hour had passed before an OSHP vehicle raced towards us cop blockers, who had our cell phones recording. The cruiser stopped, and it’s windows rolled down to reveal two law enforcement officers holding in their hands a shocking sight, almost unbelievable…

…A large cheese and pepperoni pizza.  Watch below:

Yes, two cops decided to buy three anarchists a piping hot pizza (and even three sodas). Us cop blockers were shocked, yet happily accepted considering that no man has ever turned down a free pie. The police were thanked, and before they left reminded us by saying “See? Not all cops are bad.”

Was it BS? Possibly. Could they be saving face? Likely. Is it appreciated? Certainly.

Contrast this with the despicable actions of the Lima Police Department (in Allen County), which not only beats unarmed 19 year-olds unconscious, but also censors those who condemn it.

In honor of the Allen County Patrol, I’ve composed a list of 5 ways any police department can better treat activists and/or cop blockers:

5. Give Us Free Food

Free pizza is awesome, but if you REALLY care about getting along, I will be the first to request a monthly food stipend, not unlike an EBT card. Considering that I don’t have a job and live in my parent’s basement, it’ll be a big help. $200 should do it. Reasonable, I think.

4. Stop Pretending You’re Not a Cop

Whether you are off duty, or trolling the internet, you are not a master of disguise. Try removing your Oakleys or changing your Facebook privacy settings once in a while. Spotting a police officer acting like a citizen is as easy as finding a transvestite in a biker bar. Only the transvestite isn’t going to beat me senseless if I give him a weird look.

3. Read a Book

The most tedious part of cop blocking is constantly having to educate every rank of LEO, and even judges on matters ranging from freedom to grammar. It really gets old explaining complicated subjects like when not to shoot someone, the fact that I own my body, or basic sentence structure. We understand that in some cases you may not be allowed to be intelligent, but that’s hardly an excuse. Wikipedia, guys. Srsly.

2. Enunciate Clearly

The odds are the shit YOU say will be used against you in court, and we make sure of it because our cameras are always rolling. However, often cops appear to have speech impediments. Sometimes you only imagine the orders you are giving, while expecting us to comply like mind-readers. If each of you could slow down and fully-form your thoughts before speaking plainly, transcribing your coercion will be much easier when we are making our videos late at night in between fapping sessions.

1. Quit

This one is serious. There isn’t a better life choice you could make than to stop being a police officer. Give up the extra rights, and give back to your community by not locking them in cages for nonviolent crimes. This way you will never be put in the position to ruin another man or woman’s life again. A good second choice is standing up for solid principles instead of the bureaucracy within your own department. If this the first time you’ve considered this, please see some helpful resources here. Either way, we will welcome you with open arms, and the world will be a better place for it.

-Written by Jordan Freshour

YouTube comedy channel Above Average really nails police behavior in this hilarious (but depressing) parody of an 80s-style action figure commercial.

From the video:

“Team up your new bad cop duo with the District Attorney to make sure your cops never get indicted!”

“Your honor, he felt threatened.”

“Case dismissed!”

“Justice is served.”

The above satirical exchange echos the events of many recent police shootings, like Atlanta cop Thomas Atzert, who shot a man witnesses say was fleeing from his beating. The video also touches on police militarization, and the silence of “good cops” who take no action to stop police abuse.

Video below:

In a stern condemnation of violence against Blacks by police, Saturday Night Live this weekend featured a parody of a cop who, well, goes out of his way to beat up Black men.

The lead character of the sketch, Blazer, played by SNL cast member Taran Killam, punches every Black man he sees, including those who are not suspects, according to Arts.Mic, in a parody that underscores complaints against cops regarding police brutality in America.

It’s an important issue for Saturday Night Live to tackle, because its predominantly White demographic essentially believes that racism is over. Racism is not over, not even by a long shot, and hopefully such parodies will show Whites the covert and not-so-covert nature of racism today.

The Blazer sketch comes on the heels of last month’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner, where Saturday Night Live’s Cecily Strong made some harsh jokes about the deaths of Black men in the United States and lapses in the Secret Service.

“Let’s give it up for the Secret Service,” she said. “I don’t want to be too hard on those guys. You know, because they’re the only law enforcement agency in the country that will get in trouble if a Black man gets shot.”

The jokes fell flat on the crowd packed with elected officials, journalists and celebrities, who represent establishments and occupations that help perpetuate racism in America—knowingly or unknowingly.

The jokes come amid ongoing protests in Baltimore over the brutal police killing of 25-year-old Freddie Gray, who died last month and whose funeral sparked rage in the streets. Six police officers were charged last week in Gray’s death, sparking celebratory marches and rallies in Baltimore and across the nation.

But do you think it’s too soon for Saturday Night Live to joke about police brutality in the nation? Or is it an important message to send to its White demographic no matter how it’s done?

Watch the “SNL” sketch above and sound off in the comments.

In what continues to be a humorous story that is unfolding before our very eyes, D.A.R.E. removed a satirical article from their website earlier today after TruthVoice exposed the article as satire and pointed out how D.A.R.E. shared it as a factual piece to their readers in an attempt to scare them, or perhaps lie to them about the dangers associated with the use of Marijuana.

Less than 24 hours after we went to press with the expose, the article disappeared from the D.A.R.E. website, but was not replaced with an apology or correction, showing that the organization lacks any editorial ethical standards when it comes to publishing content.

To make matters even worse for the organization, one of our readers decided to e-mail the members of the Scientific Advisory Board to point out the untruths propagated, with one member of the board denying that he is even on the board.  Chris Ringwalt, who is listed as a a member of the DARE Scientific Advisory Board and appears to be employed by the Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluation responded to the inquiry and stated:

“I don’t know who you are, but please stop writing me. I am not on the DARE Scientific Advisory Board; if you have reason to believe that I am, please send me the documentation.”

The individual is indeed listed, together with others on the DARE website as members of the board.

TruthVoice reached to the board members listed on the DARE website, but we were unable to reach most of the members due to the fact that many of the phone numbers listed are no longer in service.  We were however able to leave a message for Chris Ringwalt and speak with Sue Rusche, who is the President and CEO of National Families in Action, an organization focused on “helping children succeed by empowering parents to create an academic and social environment where children thrive and are protected from substance abuse and other high-risk behaviors.” (Wikipedia description).

Mrs. Rusche told us that the DARE Scientific Board has not met for over two years and is no longer in existence and said the listing of the board on the DARE website is “misleading” to the general public.  When asked about the DARE publication of a satirical article as a factual piece, she called the action “foolish” and said that it is not conducive to the anti-drug message the group is trying to communicate.

Mrs. Rusche also stated that she believes Marijuana to be an addictive drug and that “science shows it when 9% of first time Marijuana users become addicted to it, and 25-50% of daily users become chronically addicted,” she said, pointing to statistics published by the National Institute of Drug Abuse.  We were unable to confirm these statistics before the publishing of this article.

No other D.A.R.E. Scientific Board members were reachable or called back to comment on the publication of the satire or the fact that they are still listed as members of a board that is no longer in existence or has not met in over 2 years.

In less than 24 hours we have managed to expose D.A.R.E. for lying about two significant issues, one being the fact that they claim that a group of scientists is actively supporting their agenda, second being the publishing of what turns out to be outright satirical garbage. If this is the approach D.A.R.E. wants to take when educating the public about the dangers of drug use, it certainly has the right to do so, but it cannot seriously expect us to believe anything else they publish, especially when no correction or apologies are being made.

We are hoping that both these issues will be rectified and D.A.R.E. will own up to these mistakes in a public way.

by Virgil Vaduva

The anti-drug D.A.R.E. organization is known for its bright red logo that shows up in schools, logo which cops love to display on their vehicles, but they may not necessarily be known for being suckers when it comes to satirical writing on the topic of the war on drugs.

Website dare.org re-published a seemingly innocuous anti-marijuana article, which to any common-sense reader is an obvious satirical attempt at mocking the war on drug.  The article titled “Edible Marijuana Candies Kill 9 in Colorado, 12 at Coachella” goes into great detail explaining that “marijuana candies, sold on the street as ‘Uncle Tweety’s Chewy Flipper’ and ‘Gummy Satans’ are taking the country by storm” and are responsible for a large number of deaths throughout Colorado and California:

Each candy is an emulsification of sweetened Jello, vodka and minced marijuana.  Huffington Post reports that within a week, 9 college students have died from these marijuana candies.

While the writing of the article reads as a page from Reefer Madness, a simple effort double checking the validity of the piece leads to author Haywood Bynum III, whose tag line is “leading the charge of faith at Bible Fellowship Church.”

The person behind the alias writes for the website topekasnews.com, which appears to be a satirical site tagged “American Values for an Unsaved World.”  The website features articles about a three day old McDonalds meal sprouting legs to fight to the death, and police warning families about the dangers of using stick family decals on the back windows of their vehicles.

The anti-marijuana article reposted by D.A.R.E. contains a hilarious number of comedic lines:

It is sad that in a country as developed as America, such third world drugs such as marijuana are allowed to exist.

and

Marijuana.  It is one of the most dangerous drugs on Earth.  We are only seeing the tip of the iceberg here, my friends.

and this gem

For every one joint of marijuana, four teenagers become burdened with pregnancy.  And for every bag of marijuana candy sold, it seems 16 violent crimes in the 16 to 45-year-old cohort break down.

The piece shared by D.A.R.E. wraps up with the ridiculous statement that “Young men and men who eat these candies are being found to have lower testosterone levels and fits of primal aggression.”

This article has been on the D.A.R.E. website for over a month and it appears that its satirical content is not enough to motivate D.A.R.E. to label it as such or remove it from their website. Instead they continue to present it as fact in order to promote a war on drugs agenda which has come at the cost of many lives, while prompting an ever-increasing militarization of American police forces.

We took a screenshot of the article below in order to avoid any “confusion” when D.A.R.E. will take issue with our reporting.

Screenshot of satirical article shared by D.A.R.E. as factually accurate

Virgil Vaduva is a Libertarian security professional, journalist, photographer and overall liberty freak.  He spent most of his life in Communist Romania and participated in the 1989 street protests which led to the collapse of the Ceausescu regime. He can be reached at vvaduva at truthvoice.com.

Today marked a major shift in the way the U.S. Department of Justice is starting to handle the writing and issuance of official reports on police use of violence in the United States. The change was prompted by calls from graphics artists and politicians likely to lose an upcoming election.

In an official press conference held at the White House, President Obama announced this morning that he has ordered the creation of a new committee that is being charged with investigating how the recently issued DOJ report on the use of police use of force in Ferguson was created using the wrong Microsoft Word Template.

While the report was issued weeks ago, the mistake went largely unnoticed until San Francisco based human rights activist, feminist and vegan George Geankoplis noticed the mistake.

George Geankoplis demonstrating the indoor use of a bald spot, Pleather gloves and sunglasses

Breaking the story in an explosive blog entry on VeganFeministMen Dot Com, Geankoplis used advanced graphics analysis tools to expose the Department of Justice’s use of the default MS Word “Miscellaneous Stationery Template” instead of the standard “Another Black Guy Killed By Cops Template” which was custom created by the DOJ decades ago in an effort to stem police violence against blacks.

Geankoplis claims that this was no mistake and it was done intentionally by a DOJ insider as part of a coverup, but declined to speculate on the ultimate reasons behind the actions or provide evidence to support the charges. He claims that the use of the wrong template caused substantive changes in the way the report was read by the general public, distracting from the fact that the Serif font is using small decorative flourishes on the ends of some of the strokes that make up the letters of the report and promoting the use of Arial fonts over others. This, according to him, is a clear projection of the continuing inequality of gender roles in the vegan community.

The blog post quickly became viral, leading to serious backlash from the American public according to Geankoplis, who “otherwise did not give a shit about my gloves or the content of the report.”

President Obama’s statements today seem to reinforce Geankoplis’ opinions. Obama used a projector and MS Word to demonstrate to journalists how entire passages were left out of the report.  “When you click on File, and New from Template, it’s easy to see how this would be a simple mistake, but the correct template includes lengthy passages and convoluted legal explanations aimed at allowing cops to avoid legal prosecution,” said Obama.  “Using the wrong Word template is inexcusable,” he said.  After that, he stood silent at the podium for about 25 more minutes and was unable to continue speaking after the computer running his teleprompter froze up.

The White House also handed out a written statement outlining the scope and goals of the newly created committee, indicating that no expense will be spared in the quest to ensure that this mistake will not happen again, that the correct fonts, headers, footers and legal passages will be used to exonerate whatever police department the report is pretending to discuss.

FOIA requests from the Department of Justice were answered with heavily redacted copies of the Microsoft MS Word Manual for Version 7.4.